I am looking forward to the actual day though, my friend Fiona has kindly booked the day off work so we can spend the whole afternoon trawling the local charity shops, then in the evening Aerospace Boyfriend and I have a table booked at Bistro 1847, Manchester's swanky vegetarian and vegan restaurant where I went for a delectable meal just before Christmas with Miss Matilda, her fiancé and Old Fashioned Susie.
I was also thinking about having a party at home, but whereas I imagine my parties to look like this...
...the reality is it'd probably end like this...
...so I will probably just organise a trip to the Chinese buffet with a few friends like I do every year when I invariably leave my birthday plans to the last minute.
Mmm, buffet.
I've already received my presents from Aerospace boyfriend, look at my gorgeous little birthday chaps!
On the right is Herschel, I haven't got a name for the green and white fella yet.
So, onto the birthday dreaming... there's no way I'm getting any of these things, and I can't afford them myself, so do feel free to buy these things for yourselves to remove the temptation of my etsy watch list.
This vintage plus-sized stretchy knit dress from that purveyor of all things enviable Butch Wax Vintage... if her stock is that good, her personal wardrobe must be absolutely phenomenal!
I would team it with these chic 1950s black velvet or these delicious black satin stilettos (I want them both so much!), a mini beret and my black catseye sunglasses, then I would pretend to be a glamourous French spy, conducting lascivious affairs in order to extract top secret microfilms from the Russians.
Next something more cutesy... this rare pink lucite adorable swan brooch, and this useful vintage seahorses sweater guard, for holding cardigans oh-so-frivolously round the shoulders.
This one is sort of a necessity... I've now been going swimming (almost) every Wednesday evening for a year, swimming a mile each time, and my swimsuit is shot. It's a plain black tankini I got when I was eighteen but never wore, I took the tags off it last January and this January it is full of saggy, see-through patches where the chlorine has broken down the fibres. What I really want to replace it is one of these gorgeous swimsuits from For Luna, endorsed by the legendary MGM aqua-spectacular star Esther Williams whose engrossing autobiography I recently read.
The 'All For Eve' lipstick by Daniel sandler, which is vegan and supports research into women's cancers.
Miss L Fire Tahiti sandals, perfect for Summer, with a practical low wedge heel and in colours I actually wear!
These amazing Irregular Choice Chinese satin wedges... because you can never have enough glittery red shoes! Plus they fit in perfectly with my current Oriental obsession... I'd wear them with a devastating cheongsam and swan about covered in lotus blossoms.
Oh how I wish these adorable bastards were vegan, curse you Irregular Choice and your continued use of dead cow skins! I NEED red shoes with little plastic bluebirds all over them! Especially seeing as my feet have shrunk for no apparent reason, so I'm now a size five-ish instead of a six-ish.
My other big wish is a proper musical saw, I'm finding that I can make a lot of very exciting spooky noises on my vintage woodsaw, but it's proving impossible to coax a real tune from it. Aerospace boyfriend has a video on his phone to prove this... it features me doing a very tortured double-chinned violin face, and he insists on showing it to everybody.
...and that's about it for the things I desire but can't afford... that and everything on my Amazon wishlist.
Birthday shenanigans will no doubt be documented here in a couple of weeks, until then I shall continue to live in dread. Toodle pip!
